By Daisy Wademan Dowling

{As originally published in the Harvard Business Review} 

“Mommy/Daddy, I don’t feel so good.”

It’s a phrase that, along with its nonverbal equivalent – that glazed, pale, listless look that your kids get when they’re coming down with something — that you’ve learned to dread. Because whatever the ailment, be it flu, stomach bug, sprain, or other, two things are now certain:

1) You’re going to spend the next 24 hours, and likely more, worrying about and helping your child to get better, wishing you could magically take their discomfort away; and
2) You’re simultaneously going to spend all of that time in a frantic, improvisational rush trying to cover responsibilities at work while taking care of business at home — which won’t, to put it mildly, be easy.

Working parenthood in and of itself presents a massive logistical and emotional challenge, and when your child is unwell, that challenge ramps up significantly: How do you explain to your boss that you can’t make it to the big sales meeting? How can you be certain that the last-minute babysitter you found gave the twins the right amount of Tylenol? How will you get the client proposal finished if you’re spending the morning at the pediatrician’s?

While there’s no silver bullet, the good news is that with a few specific strategies for managing your colleagues, care arrangement, and yes, yourself, you can mitigate the situation, and make it through these roughest patches of working parenthood in one physical, emotional, and professional piece.

Acknowledge and anticipate. Because working parenthood is so demanding on a daily basis, it’s natural to want to avoid thinking about the times it will actually become harder. But acknowledging that you and your child are both human, and therefore will become ill, is the critical first step to avoiding crises and undue stress. According to the National Institutes of Health, small children routinely get 8-10 colds and viruses per year, or nearly one per month. Accept the inevitable, and anticipate how you will handle it logistically: Call in Grandma — or the back-up babysitter? Take turns with your partner covering at home? Telecommute? Cancel the monthly sales trip? The more specific and feasible the plan you develop, the less daunting the situation will seem when it comes.

Communicate ahead of time. Tell your boss and key colleagues the game plan if your child gets sick. Alert them straight-up as to the flexibility you require — but in a way that underscores your dedication: “Jordan normally goes to daycare from 8am to 5pm. If he gets sick and needs to stay home, my mother-in-law should be able to cover until 3pm. I’ll then need to head home and will work remotely for the rest of the afternoon. If anything urgent comes up while I’m out of the office, please never hesitate to reach out.”

Control the controllables. Minimize last-minute tasks and logistical headaches by “playing through” your backup plan. If you’ll be dropping a sick child at Aunt Susan’s house, make sure that Aunt Susan always has child Tylenol, knows when she’s allowed to give it, and how much of it to deliver. If working from home is the strategy, ensure that your remote log-in system not only allows you access to documents but also permits you to print them. Always keep a “sick-child go bag” — stocked with basic medicines, change of comfy clothes, healthy snacks, books/toys/stuffed animal, and other key supplies — inside the front-hall closet, ready to be thrown into the car. Put key resources in place ahead of when you need them, and you’ll avoid undue emergency.

Find — and budget in — the resources. Most working parents are on tight financial regiment: The cost of childcare alone is enough to strain even a high-earning household’s budget, and that’s before even factoring in food, clothing, or college savings. But to the practical and financial extent possible, try to find the extra resources that will help sustain your family and performance when your child is ill. It could be paying for delivery from the 24-hour pharmacy; taking an Uber instead of the train to work so you’re not late coming straight from the pediatrician’s; or occasionally getting professional in-home backup care from a local service. These things are expensive — frustratingly so — but they’re investments in your ability to perform on the job while taking good care of your family. Find the ones useful to you and allocate what you can into an annual “working parent emergency fund” that you can draw down on as needed.

Make your pediatrician an ally. You’ve made certain that your child has a warm, competent, and trustworthy medical caregiver. But as a working parent, it also helps if that caregiver has early-morning, after-work and/or weekend office hours, has a decent wireless network in the waiting room, and keeps your payment information on file so that you can avoid time-delaying paperwork when the appointment is over. Check if there are speaker phones in the exam rooms, or ask the staff if they’re willing to Facetime or Skype an appointment — that way, if you’re traveling for work when your child sprains her wrist and has to make a sudden visit to the doctor, you can be as present as possible. Remember: the doctor and office staff are probably working parents, too.

Be willing to break all your (usual) rules. As a committed, on-the-job parent, you’ve got standards around screen time, healthy eating, and sleep habits, just to name a few. But when your kid is sick and home with a backup caregiver, it’s not the time to keep the iPad and cookie jar on lockdown. When facing constraints in one area, be willing to relax standards in others. When everyone’s well, you’ll quickly get back into regular routine.

Stay connected – but not on social media. For most of us, using Facebook, Twitter, and other social media services has become as natural as breathing. But if your manager and colleagues have been supportive of your working from home while the baby’s sick, nothing will erode their goodwill and generosity faster than seeing you posting new pictures on Facebook. If you’re out of the office because your child is unwell, focus on keeping strong and regular lines of communication with colleagues — be responsive as possible on email, call to check in — but keep that communication through professional channels.

If the problem is longer term, engage with your organization — not just your manager — for support. As stressful as it is to have a child home with the flu while you’re facing a huge marketing deadline, it’s a short-term situation; in a week, it will pass. But if the challenge isn’t a short-term one — if you’ve learned that your child has a chronic or acute health issue, for example — alert your organization immediately. Unless senior managers and HR know what’s happening, they can’t extend deadlines, find you additional resources, help you set up a leave of absence, alert the insurance company of needed care, or refer you to Alan in the Chicago office — whose child recently went through the same thing.

Don’t make it your child’s problem. Whatever your child’s ailment, they feel crummy already. It won’t help the situation any, and will only make them feel worse, to witness your frustration and stress. When your toddler spikes a fever the night before the corporate tax filing is due, don’t react with an “oh no!” and hand wringing — simply reassure her that Mommy or Daddy will make certain she feels better soon.

Remember why you’re working in the first place: To provide for your family, keep a safe and stable home, and earn towards your child’s education. While missing a key meeting or leaving a sick child at home while you head out to the office will feel lousy in the moment, remind yourself that you’re managing towards what matters in the long run — and that you’re doing the best you can.