When work takes you away from the kids
July 23, 2021
Whatever transitions the “New Normal” brings you (a return to the office? the start of school?) it’s likely that, in the very near future, you’re going to be spending more time away from your kids. And when you have fewer hours together, you want the time you do have – like those evenings, after work and before the kids go to bed – to be relaxed and happy, connective and satisfying.
Here are five Workparent ways to ensure that it is.
Take a minute to get into character. Don’t carry the worries and weight of your workday into family time. Give yourself a few moments to mentally release that job stress - and to make a deliberate pivot into nurturing and attentive parent.
Meet the kids where they are. You missed your toddler like crazy, so when you get home, you want to give him hugs and get his undivided attention. But if he’s hard at work on his Lego tower, he may not want to turn away from it just yet. So don’t pressure him to: ask him how he got that big yellow piece balanced on top rather than making your return the main event.
Don’t talk, do. Adults bond and relate to other people through conversation – but children can’t. Ask a toddler, or teenager, “how was your day?” and you may get a monosyllable, or silence. So try doing, instead of talking: get down on the floor and play with your 5-year old – or join your preteen in kicking the soccer ball around the backyard. Engaged in enjoyable activity, you’ll both feel more at ease – and talk will quickly follow.
Use R&R: routines and rituals. Children find predictability both safe and satisfying. If your three-year-old knows you’ll always give her a high-five when you come through the door, she’ll look forward to it – and you’ll enjoy watching her delight. Bake as many small, regular activities into your day to day as possible – whether that’s always reading together before bed, or taking your 12-year-old to the local diner for pancakes each Saturday morning.
Finish off work in private. Sure, there’s that update email you need to send to your boss tonight. But send it later, or out of the kids’ sight. After your work trip, or long day on the job, allow the children to feel your complete, undivided attention.
For more advice – personal and professional – on what to do when work means spending time apart from your kids, pick up your copy of Workparent and turn to Chapter 16: Away.
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