Building Your Working-Parent Confidence

Hi working moms and dads –

At the end of a long, busy day, do you ever find yourself mulling over the past twelve-plus hours, and “grading” how you spent it?  Maybe you’re glad you finished the big project but are beating yourself up about missing dinner with the kids.  Or maybe you give yourself credit for making it to your daughter’s sports game but are thinking I need to work more if I want that promotion. 

That kind of scorekeeping is totally normal, and professionally, it can benefit you.  As a smart, conscientious person, it’s natural for you to think about your own performance.  For example, reflecting on how effectively you made your points in this morning’s meeting can lead you do even better in the next one.  In fact, I’ll bet you wouldn’t be where you are today unless you had given yourself that kind of feedback and pushed yourself to continually improve. 

But as a working parent, a daily scorekeeping habit can make you feel lousy most of the time.  Think about it: in any given 12-to-18 hour stretch you’re unlikely to do or perform exactly how you want to BOTH at home and on the job.  One day you work extra hours and miss the baby’s bedtime.  On the next, you have to leave a project unfinished to get your daughter to the pediatrician.  There’s rarely a “perfect” work-plus-kids day – and when the day is the unit of time you’re evaluating, it’s easy to feel as if you’re underperforming.  

Here's a better approach: keep reflecting on how you’re doing, but over bigger blocks of time.  Sure, maybe you had to miss the baby’s bath yesterday, but you were there for it every other day this week, weren’t you?  And maybe you did leave work early for your daughter’s sports game – but you’ve clocked more hours this month than you usually do.  Open up the aperture, think about how you’re combining work and family over those longer stretches, and you’ll realize: I’m working hard and accomplishing a lot, both as a professional and as a parent.   

Try this new technique out over the next week, and see how it works for you – and then I’ll share another technique for feeling more like yourself: a hardworking, successful and “on it” mom or dad.  

In the meantime, for more support and inspiration on combining work and kids: Check out my National Public Radio interview on how to manage your working-parent time.