Hi working moms and dads – 

Ready or not, here it comes: the end of the school year.  And for those of us with school-aged kids, that means scheduling changes, different care needs, lots and lots of end-of-year forms to sign and concerts to go to – and of course, parent-teacher conferences.  And no matter how well your child is doing, those parent teacher conferences can be stressful. 

Why?  Because as a hardworking, committed professional you’re used to thinking critically about your performance, to getting pointed feedback, to being evaluated.  Even for an adult, that can be tough.  So when you think about having similar discussions about your first-grader or even your teenager: Emotional spike!  Just yesterday this kid was a toddler – and now you’re suddenly being asked to think about his or her performance, abilities and future.  That’s a lot to take on.    

But here’s the thing: Your parent-teacher conference may feellike a performance review, but it actually isn’t.  It’s information-sharing, a collaboration—a place from which to refine your educational game plan.  A parent teacher conference answers the question: how do we help bring out this kid’s strengths, and do our best to help grow his or her potential?     

So, as you meet with the teacher, try to gently quell any “annual 360/talking to the boss” feelings.  Instead: 

• Remember that every child, yours included, has ways he or she can develop. Be open to what you hear. Take the attitude that both you and the teacher are working toward your child’s long-term good.  This isn’t about performance ranking: it’s about maximizing your son or daughter’s abilities.  

• Listen and absorb without reacting. Periodically paraphrase to make certain you’re understanding exactly what the teacher has said. For instance: “She seems happy in the classroom, but is shy around new peers?” 

• Compare notes: when a development area is discussed, tell the teacher whether it’s a surprise or consistent with what you observe at home. 

• Grasp the context: Is this a completely normal challenge for most six-year-olds and likely to resolve itself without intervention, or should you be consulting a specialist? To ensure clarity, ask the teacher whether the issue he or she is flagging falls under the category of observation, concern, or issue to address. 

• Turn the teacher into a coach, and consultant: have him or her tell you which activities or approaches you could use to support your child in these areas while she’s at home (e.g., playing counting games to increase numbers fluency; doing additional problem sets over the summer to be ready for first-year algebra).  

As you leave the meeting and afterward, be certain to focus on the totality of what you heard—not just the constructive or developmental areas, but the whole. Shyness, phonics or some stumbles in algebra may be concerns, but if your son or daughter works hard, has made friends, has a special talent or aptitude, or has adjusted beautifully to school, then thosethings should be primary take-aways. 

What are some of YOUR tricks for navigating this end-of-school-year period?  Email them to us at stories@workparent.com.  And for more general tips and techniques for supporting your child’s education and schooling while you’re hard at work, check out my HBR article: How Working Parents Can Manage the Demands of School-Age Kids. 

Workparent: 

Support and solutions for all working parents – and no judgements, ever. 

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