How to Transition From Work to Parenting - And Back Again
Hello working moms and dads -
Here’s a question I’ve been getting from a lot of you recently (and that speaks to a struggle I have myself!):
What are the best ways to make the transition from work into “parenting mode” – and back again – particularly with my new hybrid schedule?
Great question. With a classic five-day-per-week at-work schedule, you’re going to make five hundred total home-to-work and work-to-home transitions over the coming year – and if you’re working some days remote, and have your laptop set up in the dining room, you’ll end up making thousands more.
On the upside, each of those pivots from Professional Mode to Parenting Mode (and vice versa) is an opportunity to feel in control of your dual roles, to leave a good impression with your colleagues, to express warmth and love to your kids. On the downside, they add up to five hundred chances to feel torn in two, to appear harried and gruff to your child and colleagues, to run late, forget your phone, and be left stressed out and wondering if this working-parent thing is inherently painful or just plain impossible. Crossing the workparent boundary line may feel like a small, inconsequential act, but at no other moment do the two spheres of your life crash into each other with such force. And let’s face it: five hundred is a lot. The better you are at making these transitions, the stronger you’ll feel, professionally and as a parent.
To make your transitions smoother and easier:
Set your intentions. Think about who you really are and how you want to be perceived. If you’re clear that you want your colleagues to think of you as upbeat, personable, high-energy, and smart, and that you want to be a warm, patient, nurturing, and attentive parent, it’s going to be a lot easier to project, and actually be, those things from the first moment you walk through that (real or virtual) door.
Fuel up. When you’re low-energy and low-blood-sugar—and who isn’t at those natural workday transition points (early morning, midday, early evening)?—it’s virtually impossible to be at your best. Yes, perhaps before you had kids you were able to pull out an amazing performance on coffee and adrenaline, but you’re in a much more demanding game now. Put something in the tank before arriving at or starting work, and grab a snack on the way home or before coming out of your home office if you need to. Make sure you’re as physically ready as possible to be a great professional and parent.
Create a checklist. Checklists are powerful tools for staying on track and preventing unforced errors when you’re in high-stakes situations (which is why every airplane pilot in the world uses one, both at takeoff and landing). To avoid making the small mistakes and oversights that can leave you scrambling and anxious—like forgetting to restock the diaper bag before leaving for work or forgetting to check in with your line manager at the end of the day—keep a “Don’t forget . . . ” list taped to the doorframe or easily accessible on your smartphone.
Let it go. As hard as it is, try to release the worries of the workday, at least temporarily, as you pivot homeward, and likewise set aside your parenting concerns as work begins. When your child hasn’t been with you for nine hours, you don’t want to spend those first few minutes with her furrowing your brow and obsessing about that big project being over budget, nor do you want to join that all-important meeting still flustered by your child’s tantrum. In other words, make certain that your brain and your heart are in the same place as your body.
Add a ritual. If you find it hard to “shake off” your worries and concerns from one sphere as you move into the other, make your transition more marked, more deliberate. Always get off the subway a stop early and use the walk to clear your head, for example, or imagine your bulging to-do list as a file that you can close down, as on a computer, or make it a habit to touch the family photo you keep on your desk when it’s time to knock off work and become full-on Mom or Dad.
Do a final pause. Take a moment to regroup. Linger in the office lobby or sit alone in your car for a minute, or close your eyes and take a few deep breaths after shutting your laptop for the day. That last extra bit of time will help you move between worlds in a deliberate, authentic and confident way.
Have another pressing working-parent question? Shoot me an email at hello@workparent.com. And for hundreds more tools and strategies for combining career and kids, pick up a copy of my book Workparent: The Complete Guide to Succeeding on the Job, Staying True to Yourself, and Raising Happy Kids.